may it be done on earth as it is done in Nigeria 1
In my next life I’ll still come out a Nigerian. I can’t press that same wish on the fellow coming after that but who cares. I’ll still have my right to dual citizenship but my two countries will be Nigeria. There is nowhere on the planet that you have what I have here in Nigeria. To start with everything here has been privatised. And that is my dream. I mean everything including the public sector. The legislature, the presidency, both effectively privatised. Bought and sold with previously public funds. Where else in the world can you do that? Now you have an idea of why I like my country? You can buy anything including yourself. Once you can afford it you are yours for keeps. The judiciary? I am not certain. The problem with the privatisation of that sector is that it is a seriously professionalised sector and how to get enough greedy, very educated people to effectively take it all over is the main problem. Somewhere along the road there is going to be some bonehead who won’t sell. And he will have enough clout to spoil things for whoever wants to buy and sell, such that he or the group might wind up in jail for just the attempt. They’ll call it attempt to pervert the course of justice. Bad thinking to imagine you could privatise the judiciary. That’s enough for that. I was saying the whole country is privatised. You can’t get to be the president unless you have the blessing of a bunch of nitwits. You’ll have to pay for the blessing, mind you. The legislature? You get your seats courtesy of the presidency not the ballot. The ballot is no guarantee, it can easily be snatched. And remember the nitwits are smart enough to outwit you at the polls. Course they have not been able to buy off the observers. But that is because the foreigners got them before we did. And they don’t pay in Naira. Either Euros or Dollars, a little tricky for the system on the ground.

The economy? Hah! That is where it all hangs from the hands of the private sector. Here is the only, and I mean the one and only place you can get a CBN (Central Bank.........) Governor to sit on a time bomb and close his eyes to the lit fuse as long as his offshore bank account is not on the ground zero of the bomb. But all that may be changing. Ask some of the fellows who have been looking for a hiding place from one skinny fellow with a bowtie and one chubby lady with some mean pair of sunshades. The shades give way to some reading glasses when she is not chasing bank executives and cashiers. A week ago some clown in a bow tie thought he was smart and raided the bankers’ books. The fools kept records. And good records for uncle Sanusi to see. He raided their treasury, the treasury of the funders of the privatisation scheme, that is. See, the system works this way. Find where the money is, tell only one of them and that is all they need. Give them 48 hours and there will be enough funds to bankroll the demise of what ever project it is they perceive as the threat to their ambition. Now, the psyche is that nothing is going to go wrong. And nothing can go wrong. So the money taken out doesn’t have to be paid back. There is going to be a couple of noisemakers. Sure, you can’t do without that. We’ve got freedom of speech deeply entrenched in our beautiful constitution, but afterwards, you are privatised, you are on your own. To keep the noisemakers down, set aside a contingency fund, deep enough to keep them subdued, then get another group talking them down and providing some lame explanations with a slightly intelligent sounding ring. More interesting if the explanation is confusing. I tell you, you will walk freer than the noisemakers who get death threats all day and get to change their phone numbers. Sometimes the psyche turns up wrong and the noisemakers win and really win big. They then create a din and get some brand new bragging rights.

So this clown I was talking about, he stands up in the village square, by the way the local chief should
have foreseen his disposition. On the very instant of his interactive session for the checks and balances body to see how he fitted into the system, he had said the local chief, who spends a lot more time napping than reading his briefs, that he, the local chief had bitten more than he could chew. That he should prune down his dreams for his country to just one and see the one through. Some effrontery. They laughed it off. Of course, that was the gimmick, put out a tough posturing and when things start and die off no one is going to blame him, they will blame an invisible caucus for binding his hands behind him. Just that this time they were mistaken. So what does the clown do? He comes up with a sniffer dog just out of the woods who had no idea of what the traditional workings were. Just armed with a simple instruction, have a look into this area, I think some thing smells funny in there. So he starts to be looking and looking real hard. Of course something was a-smelling there. Plentiful pong. And in no time at all the shit hits the fan. And bank chiefs get to start wearing diapers to keep the diarrhea in check, racing around the nukes and cranny looking for rat holes to hide in. Of course there aren’t any big enough for the big shots. You and I will call this situation the Bowtie-Freight-Syndrome (BFS). In desperation Chief, chief Ibru’s sweetheart puts out an act 1 scene 1. Passing out in the courtroom. Beautifully done, the performance was a thrill to see, except it was in the wrong theatre.

Yep, I said the wrong theatre. I know a bit of what happens in the courtroom and I can assure you that that is a place that has no room for emotions, passions or sense of humour. Empathy, sympathy and whatever you might want to call it are out. On the humour corner, those who get to laugh occasionally for two seconds each instance are those fellows draped in penguin suits and Dracula gowns in the steamy heat, stiff, white dog collars, with some funny white and off-white and some disused brown-with-age, caps, sitting just in front of the only group of people facing the wrong direction in the courtroom. With the exception of the judge of course. He or she has to face everyone or he or she may be facing the wall which is not usually very pleasant or convenient if you’re supposed to stare down those in the courtroom. Back to where we were. You drop dead in the court room, the first thing the judge will ask is, “Wait a second, any doctor in my courtroom presently?” he may follow this up with, “An effort at reviving that accused person will be commendable.” Calm as ice, no frantic rush to do anything. If it takes a little longer than reasonable, same judge will remember to say, “I rise for fifteen minutes.” And accordingly keep to his words. Not forgetting to take a bow before taking a step from where he or she stands. Whether because the fellow on the floor can’t rise or does not know how to rise and so the court gives him or her an idea of what to rise is like or just to give the doctor some free time is entirely in the mind of his Lordship. Of course in aunt Ibru’s case she came along with her personal doc. Smart move but he was professional to the bone and not privatised. Not at that time. And not in the near future. The trial started where it left off, a little before the act. Am still trying to figure out what triggered that move.

But in my country, we are good at what we do. Of course we leave room for a little slip here and there. And we always create a back door to let out of. Some of the bank big shots who had a plan B were out of the country long before my aunt Fatima could lay her hands on them. These ones caught what you and I will also call the Babe-Fright-Syndrome (BFS 2, the figure 2 is to help our less brain-privileged mass get to differentiate it from the other BFS). They, bank chiefs, are all going to be needing some sleeping pills and sleeping bags for quite a while. And some large spy hats with rear view mirrors. They have a rough idea that since big babe Hillary told my aunt Farida that she was yet to match up the records of my cousin Nuhu, she was sure going to make an example of them. Here we call moves like that, some person to take polish P.R. My aunt Farida’s P.R. had been in the septic tank for quite a while now. In regular Ms. Elizabeth Windsor’s English, some guinea pig. Now what scared the shit out of the bankers was this one move, my aunt Fatima moved her head office temporarily to Lagos. She figured if it came to real foot chase it would be easier done in Lagos, the traffic will slow the bankers down, moreover they are all overweight anyway. Though my aunt Farida isn’t doing badly herself on the weight business. I hear she has taken up jogging to shed some off, and be more flit-footed. And she has some very fit younger people in her payroll. That move alone told them all, “I am here strictly for you guys. Just a home call.” And when women mean to mess you up they do that really good. Ask a few divorcee men living behind you. Some of them sleep with mashettes under their beds just in case their ex pops her head suddenly with something incongruous. This is the extreme case of BFS 2.

And the funny thing is women are more afraid of each other than they are of men. Soon as aunt Ceecee heard aunt Farida was out to get her, and was on one of those fancy planes navigating towards last port (Lagos) she put two and two together, either it did not arrive at 4 or she did not wait for it to before she took the next wheelbarrow on the tarmac facing the opposite direction. She ensured they landed at the same time in their opposite destinations. Aware of the traffic problem in Lagos, and sure that aunty Farida would not be taking Fashola’s rapid buses, she was certain she would definitely arrive at the Corry Bay crescent office of her horrors before aunt Farida got to her erstwhile bank office to ask directions to her home. Clean escape into the net, free-will submission of self credit earned, aplenty. Reminds you of Tom and Jerry, right? Only spoiled by the act 1, scene 1 in the wrong theatre. Hers is the affliction by the two BFS and BFS 2. Not a good combination to catch. I can tell you that. On the lighter side though, if I know my fellow citizens well, the price of bowties is going to hit the roof in a pretty short time. Anyone who wants to get a little overdraft to pay school fees and is having a bit of a problem with his bankers, all he needs to do is buy himself a bowtie and some striped suit and hang around the bank premises or the banking hall. Every staff of the bank will give him an overdraft from their own pockets. The fear of bowties is the beginning of wisdom. Bowties will be a fashion in a couple of weeks. The time it takes to make enough and flood the market.

The other big shots at large, yea, them, are surely going to need the size of the earth to hide away. They are privatised in the extreme form that I did not anticipate. The earth is large alright but not that large anymore with this internet business where some one can be talking to you and tweeting you to someone or others at the other end of the planet. Good thing is, I hear that there are chatter flights into outer space these days. Except that the human that we are, we are stupidly dependent on and glued to dear mother earth so much that we can’t stay too long away from her. You start missing her so badly you’ll be tempted to trek back from outer space if you’re left too long out there. Mr. Alexander can tell you what it was like when he was marooned at the International Space Station,( no, I think it was Mir space station), for longer than he bargained for. It was fun at first then reality set in and he needed all his wits and courage to keep from leaping out the window of his module. About that time I was stranded some 120 kilometres away from my home here on earth with no money and no familiar faces aside from mine. I thought I had a big problem until I heard of his and then calmed down. I got a lift home some thirty minutes later. He didn’t until some six slow motion months after. Different strokes for different folks. Worse still the investment market, real estate business in outer space is still rudimentary and dollars, pounds sterling and our precious Naira are not very good medium of exchange there due to the low human population out there. Worse still the stocks out there are niet. Meaning whatever they may have piled here remains here if they were to permanently relocate to Mars or some such fancy places. No Hyatt Regent, no Transcorp Hilton, and of course no Sheraton out there, not yet. No Waldorf either. Just a good deal of frost bite which they can’t handle and some weightlessness which they sure need. Floating in outer space can only be for so long especially on an empty wallet. They will be back.

I said we are entirely privatised, right? The kidnap business too has been privatised. For now the Free Kidnap Zone (FKZ) is still the Niger Delta. With the rumoured Direct Foreign Investment (DFI) in the kidnap business lined up, we expect there will be satellite outlets or inlets in a matter of time all over the country. If the profit is as good as I hear, the temptation to invest there will deliberately not be resisted. Tips to not forget: If you are as chocolate brown as I am, you don’t need to panic, you blend. If you’re jet black you’re home free and might even be considered a threat or a strong competition. Anything paler than that, take my advice. At the airport at Port-Harcourt, stop over at the shoe shiner’s post, get a can of dark brown polish, the Kiwi brand is particularly effective, takes three days to clean off (with the strongest soap), during which time you might have finished your business and cleared out of town or are on the plane back to Lagos or Abuja where it is absolutely safe. Yea, what to do with the polish? Kidnappers, please give my friend and I a break, don’t read this part. Read the instructions carefully. Smear the polish on your face, neck, chest, hands, and legs. Legs? Yes. Your socks might run down (down-jive) and expose some skin between your shoes and your trousers. You don’t want that sudden let down by your disguise. For the ladies you may have to coat your whole body with it. You don’t need more than one can in either case. In case of adverse reactions, take it easy, bear it till you are out of the FKZ (Free Kidnap Zone, twit!) then consult your physician. No hugging and no intimacies. No matter how tempting she may be. Difficult conditions but the consequences of breaching them are a little serious. To ensure that the Shoe Polish Protocol (codenamed S.P.P.) works, get a written guarantee of full refund from the shoe shiner. If he cannot read and write make the refund double and then add the illiterate jurat (it reads, the above has been read over and interpreted from English to Hausa language to the guarantor who affixed his mark only after appearing perfectly to understand same, by me......) he will thumbprint. The can of polish is not that costly, but if you have to buy it rock bottom cheap get it outside the Niger Delta area, the price is rapidly going up there for obvious reasons.

The nose? Don’t worry, we have everything thought out. We have enough variety of noses in the country and yours no matter how pointed, short, flat or broad won’t draw unnecessary attention except if you venture into the Eastern part of the country with a pointed one. In which case you may need to tape your nose tip down some with a clear adhesive, make it flattish, you know what I mean. Or get installed a clear expander catheter. I know someone who does it for a living. It is codenamed the Nubian Nose Protocol (N. N.P.). In the alternative get a tip from Michael Jackson’s website (this is a little tasteless, but take the lighter side of it).

Sorry, one little slip. I told you we make room for slips. Sometimes our guests have the kind of lips
that are not common here. This is the No-Lip-Situation. It falls under the Negroid Lip Protocol (N.L.P.). Quite frankly this had given us sleepless nights until recently when one of our esteemed foreign Investors (one of those who come here to improve their economy at home) got in a bar fight over who should go home with a figure 8 they both met at the bar. Being good hosts, we Nigerians are known for that, we visited him on Sunday morning to see how he was faring and sit out with him if he had any thing left over in his freezer in the way of enhancing the visit. He had. We were met by a negroid looking whitish fellow who sounded a bit like Mr. Brown even though a little muffled from the thick lips. We asked if Mr. Brown was awake. He was and indeed was standing right there in front of us looking temporarily negroid. He looked in good stride but complained that the face attacked was an innocent victim. The real cause of the problem was the midsection who somehow was unscathed. How he knew? He said that was what he checked up first thing and informed the shrivelled jerk of his resolve never to let himself think on its behalf again from this morning on. Of the lips he said it helped him blend some. Voila! We made the discovery! The Negroid Lip Protocol was finally found. It is a bit low tech and physical but quite effective.

We have recruited Mr. Brown’s attacker (secretly of course, we still need Mr. Brown’s supply of
beers in his freezer and he is such great company you don’t want to lose him for the sake of money.
Even though we are privatised as well. You don’t have to take a guarantee of full refund of your money in this case we shall guarantee the near-lynch beating required for this protocol. You on your part just focus on being brave enough to take the pain and not fight back so as not to incur unpleasant side effects that might put you out of action for more days than necessary. For samples of the design of lips you might want do go through our reality catalogue in the South-West and the Middle-Belt where we have them in good number. Mr. Brown’s attacker whom we shall not name for the sake of protecting trade secret, has foolproof formula that meets your specification. We can even give you computer generated version of what you will look like when he is finished with you. This is the only high-tech part we have been able to do just yet. We are working on the rest modules.

If the disguise fails, and the fault is not traceable to our negligence or non-professionalism (an absolutely rare event, well, you might need to buy yourself off them. Now you see what I mean? Anyhow, no cause for alarm, a couple of people I know have walked away free of charge from the kidnappers (I think one of them was actually escorted home and he did not give the kidnappers directions to his house, he acquired a wait-and-take diarrhea (instant) in the model of the bank executives’, when he discovered they had the key to his gates). This free trip is earned by simply declaring there and then instant bankruptcy. No falling down in a faint required. Your kidnappers will give you money to get you back home. And don’t worry about how to refund the money to them, they are not poor, the kidnappers, and won’t need it. Anyone that can afford the kind of guns they carry can afford much too much more.

Uhh, where were we? Can’t remember now. Privatisation? So I was saying we really are fully privatised and even into your wallets. I got a little money sometime back that I figured I was not going to need for a while but would not mind the idea of getting a little interest on it. I got really smart then and ran down to my bankers, dumped the stuff there, they were all smiles, even offered me a cup of tea. Or was it tea? And I thought to myself, sure, my bankers are really into the personal service thing and were going to go places. Sure they were. Just that I did not realise the personal bit of it was as it applied to them and not me. They grabbed my money. As soon as I walk into that funny door that tells you to get out all that stuff you have been hiding from your wife and show them to some lens that you can’t see into, on my way out, my bankers pick up the phone and dial their pals and start sharing my money out to them with no collaterals and probably no interests. I think I saw the bullion van, a bullet-proof sedan, that took my money to their pals. Meanwhile, so I won’t be coming into the banking hall to ask too many sharp and rude questions they make me take up an ATM card that says stay out of the banking hall, get your money along the street and lose it to some fellow lurking around the cash dispenser. Whenever my card gets stuck they throw a party and jubilate. I can’t withdraw nothing from my account until they say so. Meanwhile they can withdraw from my account without my saying so. They privatised my account. I did not know I was that blockheaded until bro Sanusi came along and shook them up real good.

He was grilled of course for going out of line and reading too much of the stuff that he found on his desk. Luckily for him some of his persecutors in keeping with their laid down principles, were themselves not reading much of what was on their desk. They depended too much on their telephony which could not relay much since the charge per second is rather terrorist inclined. The briefer the conversation the wiser, even with the big shots. In my country, on the phone, which is also privatised of course, brevity is the sole of business, no matter how elaborate the rudiments of the business may be. His persecutors were miffed at his cocky approach, not a trace of apology for snooping without approval. Much worse their free funds were being threatened and the faster they acted the better. No time to sit and think. But bro Sanusi was not afraid of thinking and neither was he afraid of reading, nor talking either. He knew who were owing and who weren’t among those who thought to give him a piece of their not too brilliant minds. It all played out and we all saw who it was that knew his onions and who quite didn’t. The twits bragged a little to save face but the face was distorted beyond redemption.

So, which one of you says my country is not moving forward? We are. Just that we are at a breakneck speed. And sometimes we actually break our necks. By the way, what makes you think your forward is our forward. More so, you forget that when you are talking to me about going forward you are usually facing me which means your forward is my backward motion and my forward is your backward motion. We are going forward and remember that may be your backward motion. We have our unique ways of getting things done.

Smart fellow, you noticed all the people here are either my cousins, aunts, bros and sisters (no, no sisters), right? Well, we are all privatised and that makes us relatives in privatisation. Besides, we Nigerians look out for one another wherever we find ourselves. Want to bet?

abbah r. agor-agalanga

NOW THAT OBAMA HAS GOT THE NOMINATION

I have not been to date in my writings. i have have had quite a lot to do. but i have been keenly following my two favourite candidates for the US presidency try out their popularity. Obama no doubt has proved a better candidate. but i am neither entirely happy nor am i sad. why? i would have felt better if the contest was not between the two, Clinton and Obama, which invariably meant one had to go out. not bad for their US democrats because somehow they have managed to break fresh grounds that would have been unimaginable in the 60s.

way back in history when my ancestors thought for the comuunity to be rescued and safe from attacks of the evil spirit, wars, diseases and all such ills as were absolutely detestible, an innocent life, human or other blameless animal had to be sacrificed. on all such times the human or other animal was just minding his or her business and not troubing my ancestors' village in any way. he just had his life snuffed out because some dimwit thought that would solve the problem. i do not have the data on whether or not such sacrfices were worthwhile. but i am certain that for the people who were killed it was not worthwhile. that practice is no longer in vogue among my people and you can be prosecuted for killing another person's goat for whatever reason let alone taking a human life. 99% of the human community now know that it is not justifiable to take a human life. we have also gone to the level of pressing for the eradication of the death penalty. in my country Nigeria, of the 36 Governors of the 36 states that make up the country not one will willingly sign the death warrant of a convicted murderer. they find one way or the other to avoid it.

we have the constitution in the country that is channelled along the lines of the US with a high regard for the human life, dignity, movement and other such fundamental rights. the US should in a way be a role model for such respect for the rights of the person. but i have this fundamental problem appreciating why certain decisions are taken which more or less remind me of what my ancestors had done to their fellow humans and which we now realise is really, really bad. such decisions as sending young men and women as well as children to their early graves for the betterment of humanity. war, is what i really can't live with. killing is the other thing, dehumanising others is the third thing.

somehow in the very first year of the Bush administration he thought it would improve the human community to send American lives to ruin and in the process ruin other nations' people's lives all for the betterment of the humans that are living. one only has to watch the news on all tv stations to know that this theory like the one my ancestors relied on did not yeild his desired result. and getting out of the situation rather being seen as the only option is being viewed as an ego problem. how long this will last and at what cost is the question. ask a typical American parent who has lost his child in the war in Afghanistan and Iraq and he or she will tell you it was not worth it. Bush thinks otherwise. Now take time out and ask the parents in Afghanistan and Iraq thesame question, they will tell you in-between sobs that it was not worth it. Bush again thinks otherwise.

anyhow if you take a look at it he is right. for one, his daughter was able to find one handsome, young American who managed to avoid getting killed or sacrficed for the common good to get married to. his daughters are of military age, they are not serving in the war torn regions of the planet. of course that is not feasible, someone being sacrificed has to be sacrificed for another to live well. what use it if everyone made the supreme sacrifice. get it, now? alright then, were my ancestors on the right track? i would hate to imagine they were. i may never have come to be. horrid to think you would not be able to read from me.

the good news is everyone all over the world and particularly in the US thinks Bush messed up big and other people's kids lost big time. another good news is, Obama who hates the idea of a human sacrifice is going to be the next president of the US and hopefully, the other humans living in Afghanistan, Iraq, and the US can breathe a sigh of relief. and i can too. i just hope MacCain loses.

abbah r. agor-agalanga

GIVING 2007 A BLOODY NOSE

I have not been up to it these few months. Wrote nothing since September, bad example. That is because I have been up to something more interesting. I am trying to make sure I hand in my manuscript to my publishers in February. I can't tell you anything about the book just yet, but you can be sure you will be the first to know when it is out.

2007 was not such an ugly year but she had her hang-ups. Real bad hang-ups. And the version of signing off she is doing with some high profile killings by fanatics who do not know the difference between politics and religion, and worse still do not want to know. My faith does not give any excuse for killing any one, not even by accident. And I believe no other religion permits it. And the big shot upstairs that we all profess to worship does not allow for it either. How you guage the evil nature of death and killing is when you lose someone dear to you. As difficult as it is to turn away from the pains the Bhuttos must be feeling, I have to get to my topic. By the way, I lost a cousin, Anko, another cousin Eddus, an uncle Barth, and another cousin Terrisa all in 2007, Terrisa died in an auto accident on Saturday the 28th/12/07. My fair share of tragedy, don't you think?

A lot of things happened in the year 2007, some I loved (I will not bore you with those, you had some of yours too), the ones I'd like to tell you about are the things you failed to do. You may have failed to do them in the year 2007, what ever may be the reasons, that does not mean you cannot do them in 2008. Except of course if the things were meant strictly for the year 2007. In which case it would be quite silly to try doing them in 2008 and losing precious time. Let them go and don't regret them. 2008 is coming with a whole load of stuff that will interest you more than you ever imagined. Keep focused on the daily happenings and be part of the ones you can handle and that will be of some benefit to you. And if you can't be part of them then be on the lookout for the next opportunity, they will come in bounds, don't look back, take a dive. You will come out smelling like a rose and feeling good about yourself.

The trick is if you miss the object, look around where you landed, there is an alterantive lying around you, pick that up, and get about chasing the next big thing. Do not think small, you are worth more than small pickings, though added up small pickings can get to be some mega object. If you are chasing the real big thing and a small picking comes along, take it, put it in your backpack and keep chasing the main thing. Trust me I know what I am saying.

I am going to follow my own advice. Do yourself a favour, follow me. Just don't close your eyes you may miss me at a turn.

Have a great year.

abbah r. agor-agalanga

THE US DEMOCRATS' PRIMARIES

The US Democrats' Primaries is turning out to be the next real big and interestng thing. For the first time in centuries of US history the American citizenry is being asked one big question: Is America really a land of equality?

Why the question? I'll tell you. Now have a look at the two front runners of the US Democrats' Presidential candidates, Mrs. Hillary Clinton and Mr. Barak Obama. They come from the deprived and underprivileged of the citizens in America. Obama can be permitted to called a black man while Mrs. Clinton is female. None of them come from the group that has ever been penciled down for possible assention to the presidency of America. But both have come up for scutiny and the two are the front runners. That says a lot about the Democratic Party.

What the situation now begs is the possibility of either one of them becoming the Democratic Pary's nominee. Either way it will tell a lot about whether or not the land of the free is actually the land of the equals. Either one of them is okay by me. But that is not what really trips me. What gives me the thrills is the possibility of both of them ending up as the Presidential candidate and running mate. You bet the Republicans will be kept out of the white house for the next 50 years. Of course they won't like that. But I recommend that for the Democrats. Even Bush is scared stiff of that. He sounded close to it a couple of days back.

I have been watching and I think the rest of the World is watching too. I am not an American, am Nigerian but I find myself in the thick of the expectations in the Democratic Party. ordinarily I should be routing for Mr. Obama as a fellow black even though I am more comfortable with the term, a fellow human, I find myself remembering the good the Clintons did in the white house.

So just for my selfish secret yearnings if the Democrats put the two of them forward I WOULD BE STUMPED, they can't lose the election. But then America is a strange country and they put out only the image they want you to see and the ugly sneaks out quite by accident and with a lot of finger pointing afterwards.

I am watching and I think you should.

have a great day.


abbah r. agor-agalanga

ARMS RACE NEVER WENT AWAY (at least not in George Bush's U.S)

'Am trying really hard to convince myself that what I am reading in the papers from the U.S. is not what it says. Arms deal with Saudi Arabia, and compensatory arms deals with Egypt and Isreal, worth $13 billion to Egypt and $30 billion to Isreal. Great! A rerun of the cold war days. The question to ask is what is expected of these countries to do with the arms?

If I remember well the cause of all the warring going on in the Arab world and the middle east is the sale of arms by both the U.S. and the then U.S.S.R. The U.S. claimed it was in the interest of the world to arm the Iraqis against the Iranians, then she thought it was in her interest to arm the Talibans against the U.S.S.R incursion into Afganistan. And then it became necessary to arm the Isrealis against the threat from the Arab world. It has now become necessary to arm some Arabs against another set of Arabs. The underlying factor being that the arms will be used to kill fellow humans, most of them children, a good percentage of them women, another good percentage innocent men looking for means of livelihood for themselves and their family.

The motive? Monetary profit. And who is the biggest beneficiary? The U.S. Granted it is only a puny minority of the U.S. population, but a dangerous minority.

One little bit that bothers me is why the U.S. thinks she is in the best position to decide whether or not people should kill one another and who should be killed at a particular time and place. What if the U.S. seeing the perculiar advantage she has in having a strong say in world affairs took the other option of making friends and creating bridges of understanding among nations rather than arming them against each other? I understand there is little money in this peace option but I know as a fact that American citizens are also being killed by the weapons sold to these countries or given to them by way of grant or aid as she wants to describe it. You don't aid a man when you give him a gun. You're abetting the murder of one or more persons or even the person you've given the gun to.

Americans have a gun culture but why can't you see this as a barbaric culture? Look at what it does to the kids on the streets and elementary or grade schools in America. Wake up! the world is not as dangerous as you're making it look just for the sake of profit in money. It is possible you may never live long enough to spend the money. If there is peace the world over there is no limit to the money that can be made.

Let us for once drop the need for bullet proof vests and jeeps, the need to hire assassins or body guards. Let us explore the possiblity of making friends among nations, it surely will bring long lasting prosperity and all the talk about terrorism will be a forgotten issue. I believe the terrorists want a good life too and will readily give in their guns to have a good family with whom they could sit on the lawn outside their home on weekends.

I love my family and i have a very stong feeling every other person does as well.

The arms deals? let us put them away. They are killer contracts. Improve the lot of humans don't kill the human race. Roaches might inherit the planet. A nightmare of a thought but that is what we are encouraging.

Keep pressing for no arms among humans.

abbah r. agor-agalanga

THE US SENATE DEMOCRATS COMING TO LIFE

We in the other parts of the world have all along known what the problem with the American involvement in Iraqi affairs was about. Cheap oil and money. The democrats in the US Senate may have known it all along too because I believe some of the Senators have what it takes in them but may be never had the numbers necessary to overturn those steps taken that have made the average American appear like a war monger. When the American people finally spoke through their votes the senators certainly got the message.

Fine and good the bill was blocked but the mere fact that the effort was mad is commendable . And I am certain a little adjustment to the bill will see it sailing through at the next attempt. The basic fact is that most republicans have made serious money from the war. They are easily the biggest manufacturers of armaments. They are also in controll of the oil industry. So put these together and you will have a clearer picture of what I am saying. The down side of it is that innocent people on both sides had to lose their lives before the situation becomes clear to everyone except George Bush and his friends.

I have to look only through the window in my house to see what is being done wrong in far flung places like Iraq. Kids run around kicking a dusty football and teenagers acting funny in the nooks, ordinary things Iraqis don't dare. They are humans like you and I.

The real enemy is, if may say so, Al qaeda, and basically they do not have their base anywhere in Iraq. it is well known that they are in bed with good friends of America, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan. Pakistan is even better off in the scheme of things. She is making an effort to rid herself of them but the Saudis? Cosy as ever.

Bush, face your enemies and let innocent people get about their lives.

'am just going to see if my kids are okay. I would want them to live in a better world.

Have a nice weekend.

abbah r. agor-agalanga

TONY BLAIR STOPS BLARING

Not too long ago Mr. Blair bowed out of office. not with that much pomp as you would think the American president would or for that matter the Nigerian president. He went with a wimper so faint you could have missed it on the 9 o'clock news. But that is how it should go. Particularly for someone who staked his political carreer on the preempted decision of a president not known for soundness of mind.

Tony had it all. Or so it seemed and Baby Leo did not mind the idea either, you know all that smooshing and pampering at Downing Street, a street that probably has the highest number of bootlickers in Europe, sorry next to the equivalent street in Rome, Italy. But he, Tony threw it all away. Come to think of it getting the job of British prime minister is no easy task. It is actually easier to lose the job. In Britain all it takes to kick a prime minister out is the queen's ears (not her hubby's they are a little outsized), she then whispers to a few MPs who whisper to a few party big shots and you are either out on the street with your reviewed resume or the party loses her seat at elections. Clean and tidy. And the beat goes on.

In the U.S, kicking the president out? Boy! you sure have some home work. First you get the world press, no kidding. You have to whip up this sentiment about how glorified the white house is and has been for a couple of centuries. Then you go through the dance of educating the press who already know where you are heading, about the importance of the U.S in the committy of nations on the globe, such that if the president of the U.S should sneeze, France, Britain, Saudi Arabia (excluding al Kaida, they don't give a damn), Egypt, Nigeria, Japan, China (they really don't catch fright they are too many, strength in number), India (working hard on their numbers), and even down yonder Australia should catch cold. Never mind the strength of the blast of sneeze that might be required.

When you are certain that the world pressmen and women have gotten the message and are placed in a good enough mental state to deliver the message to the citizenry with enough venorm, then you drop your voice a little and get the press to crane their necks cocking their ears real hard to hear you, you drop the over-hiped scandal, the bombshell. Uhm, be sure it has to do with sex or it will not work. If it has to do with people's children getting killed for no reason it won't work. If it has to do with war it won't work. Remember war is money to some of the bigshots at the white house.

This is just day one. On day two, keep it alive the other networks have not caught on. move away from Washington at this time so that you can be accessed by other networks who do not have the means to send their reporters to Washington where you might have had your world press conference or what ever name you choose to call. The Sex Cluster Bomb Scandal might be a good name for the scandal. Catchy. Now you are set to give speaches on morality never mind that you have nine children from fifteen women without ever proposing to even one of them and not even knowing where the children are or how they are coping with life. You are hot. There are some movie deals on the line so don't tune off.

You can live the rest to the U.S senate and the House of Representatives. Go home and watch tv. Do not attempt to believe what the experts say of your disclosure, they will contradict themselves long before you know it. some one will show up claiming to have a phd in the scandal. Go and hire a solicitor, get a cheap one or you will be going back to Harlem more broke than you came out. Remeber this is the end of your role. Don't ever imagine anything more than you have gotten. Keep in mind that George Bush can't get impeached for killing people's children beause it has nothing to do with sex.

You are now famous, get to your bankers.

Have a nice day.

abbah r. agor-agalanga